she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
as a side note pls kill me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
