I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
