omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
