The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
