It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize