We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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