It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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