I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
