Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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