..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
