Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
