and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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