So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
