Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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