is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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