he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize