I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize