He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
