I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
