Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
