i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
