Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
