so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
