dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
