JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
