Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
