so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
