I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
