i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
