you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
