Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
last night I used snow as a chaser
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
