do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
