Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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