I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
