Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
