she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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