; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
