Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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