New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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