So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
