Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
