Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
