My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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