today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
