this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
