she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
