I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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