Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
this hospital has no fireball
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
