I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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