I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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