My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
