I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
