My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
