Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
