im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
be right there i have to get my cape
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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