peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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