he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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