i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
