my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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