why didn't you poke me back
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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