member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
